“What in the world is wrong with you? You’ve been procrastinating this task for 10 days now!” said my brother in a questioning tone.
“I am not in the mood. I need some space right now. Please leave me alone”, I demanded.
“It’s been 10 days, the due date to file the returns is on 31st July, and we need to get it done before that. Are you aware of it?” he carried on the conversation while I continued to ignore him.
“Yes, I know. However, you are not at all co-operating with me. I want certain things to be in a certain way and then only will I work. Now, go away right now, I am not going to work” I replied in the meanest and rudest way possible. (Yeah! I can be mean at a times 😉 )
The conversation went on for a little long, but there was nothing except arguments!
Well, this is not how I normally behave. So, to introspect deeply about what was wrong within, I spent about 3-4 hours by myself.
Fights, disputes, and emotional drama have become a part of our daily lives. The biggest mistake that we can make is to consider it as something “normal”. That is so SCARY! Definitely, you need to accept the existence of it, but don’t accept it as something that is “OKAY” or ”HAPPENS IN EVERYBODY’S LIFE, SO IT IS FINE”. There exists a way of living, where people discuss and talk about things and live a zero-drama life. It does not mean that there is no difference of opinion. A difference of opinion exists at every place and in every area of life. It’s all about how you decide to deal with it, either by getting into chaos or choosing a peaceful win-win situation.
In my situation above, I chose to carry out a drama by pouring out my negativity and rudeness on my brother. However, when I deeply introspected, the main reason I found for the drama was the conflict that was going on inside me.
I had already been lagging behind on a few goals and was not able to perform as per the standards that I had set for me. That is why the self-criticism & drama taking place within me was reflecting in the conversation that I was having. After my deeper self-introspection, I came to a very shocking but true conclusion.
READ IT VERY CAREFULLY & SLOWLY! IT IS VERY IMPORTANT!
‘When we don’t do something that we know we should be doing, we betray ourselves. When we betray ourselves, the self-criticism starts and we start feeling bad/degraded/low about ourselves. In order to cover up that low feeling, to avoid facing it and to feel good about ourselves; we blame others for any situation that we come across during that phase’
Let this sink in! Read it again if needed!
Then, for a moment I imagined myself at a different place mentally. If I had been doing well in my life, acting as per my schedule, achieving all my goals and not lagging behind, would I have chosen to be angry and mean?
Then, the answer that came was, “Nope, not at all” If everything else was going good as per my set standards, then I would be extremely happy from inside and nothing but happiness would have been flowing from me.
“You mess yourself up, you end up messing everything and everybody around you too” 🙂
So, ultimately it came to the point of SELF-LOVE & TAKING ACTION in life. It is very strongly recommended to love yourself so that you can go through your tough time and act in accordance with your goal.
We normally take things granted when it comes to our most intimate relationships. We know that they don’t have any option but to talk to us, so we don’t consider saying sorry. However, those small build-ups create a huge wall over a period of time and distance us from our near and dear ones. It is always advisable to talk about the situation and close it on a positive note.
I went home in the evening and said sorry for my rude words and aggressive tone of voice. Saying sorry is really hard, trust me! 🙂 However, it is equally liberating. The beauty of saying sorry is incredible.
If I had to describe the feeling that I had when I said sorry, then it would be,
“It broke my ego and took me closer to my soul at the same time!”
Next time you fight with somebody, consider it as a sign that you need to go on a date with yourself to know yourself a little better.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU!
Photo by Ankush Minda on Unsplash