5 steps for creating boundaries in a relationship


Along with knowing about the boundaries and it’s types, it is extremely crucial to know about creating boundaries in a relationship. It is not as simple as creating a border to the painting you made. To make this process simple, I have broken down the whole process into 5 simple steps.

1) First, be clear with yourself

The first step is to be clear with ourselves about our boundaries. It’s like having a little meeting every now and then to realign with the self. The most important thing to take care of while creating your own boundaries is past experience and observation.

We pick up boundaries from what we saw around us since our childhood. So, if you observed abuse and violence, you might consider it normal while creating your own boundaries. While creating boundaries in a relationship, ask yourself these questions.

  • How does this action from them make me feel about myself?
  • Am I tolerating this just because I saw others tolerating it, or is it adding any value to my being?

Unless and until you are clear about your boundaries, you won’t be able to communicate them.

2) Communicate the boundaries

Creating boundaries in a relationship is followed by the act of communicating them. Now, when do you communicate with them?

  • If you are starting a new relationship, it is very much advisable to have this conversation in the beginning. Share your comforts and discomforts and invite the other person to do the same.
  • However, in the case of an ongoing relationship, communicate as and when necessary. If they cross your boundary by either being abusive emotionally or physically, that is the moment when you need to speak up that you won’t tolerate this kind of behavior.
  • In any other case, whenever you feel the need to do so you can communicate at that point of time.
  • It is not necessary that once communicated you cannot recommunicate about your boundaries. At certain times, we might recognize in the later phase of relationships how specific behavior from other person is disturbing us or making us feel uncomfortable.

3) Speak up the consequences too!

Along with communicating your boundaries, it is very necessary to talk about the consequences of breaking them. Creating boundaries in a relationship holds no meaning if you are going to allow the other person to walk over it all the time.

Whatever consequence seems the best for you should be decided and communicated along with the boundaries. It can be distance, end of a relationship, or any kind of legal action that you might take. Whatever it is, it must be there.

4) Act when boundaries are broken

When boundaries are broken, ACT ON WHAT YOU COMMUNICATED IN POINT 3. Because if you don’t act, they will start to believe you are not serious about your boundaries. And when you can’t be serious about your boundaries, nobody else can be.

5) Stick to them

No matter what, just stick to what you have decided. Don’t get drifted away by the relationships and forget your own well-being. What needs to be done, needs to be done.