To break the long-lasting silence of about 5 minutes, I asked her, “So, how’s your relationship with Ajeet going on?”
“Well, umm. Okay okay. Not so great!” she replied back, sipping the Cappucino she had been holding since so long.
“Why? What’s wrong? You guys get along well, that’s what you said when you got into the relationship”, I enquired.
“Well, yeah, we did. But now, things aren’t working out properly. We don’t seem to get along anymore. I don’t know” she said in a somewhat confused tone.
“Okay” I said, comforting her.
Then, I began with a question, “Can you pinpoint something specific that is disturbing you about the relationship?”
“He doesn’t love me anymore!” she burst into tears after saying those words.
After giving her a good amount of time to let her release the bottled up emotions, I gave her a glass of water and went ahead with the conversation.
“Did he tell you that he didn’t love you anymore?” I inquired.
“Nope, but he behaves like that”, she replied.
“Okay, how did he behave?” I asked to know further.
And then she started to speak for at least about 15-20 minutes without any break. I am not going to write it down all here, however, the main points she covered were as follows:-
- He does not understand me.
- He does not give me surprises or get me gifts like *THAT GUY* does for his ‘GIRL’!
- He has not yet gotten the time to take a perfect picture with me so that I can post it on ‘INSTAGRAM’
REMEMBER, these are just the few points I have kept, not all. 🙂
We carry around some seriously destructive beliefs about relationships & love. Unconsciously, these beliefs make us behave in a specific way and harm our relationship. Here are the ones that I pointed out during the conversation with my friend!
DESTRUCTIVE BELIEF #1
My partner should be able to understand me, EVEN IF I DON’T SPEAK!
Relationships & Love these days are more driven by movies & trends, rather than the quality. Just because some handsome guy on a stupid serial or a movie managed to fulfill the unexpressed wishes of a girl when they fell in love, a belief is formed. Since then, a belief is formed that unless and until someone understands all your unexpressed wishes & desires, they don’t love you. Same goes for the boys who think that the girl should understand what he wants.
Why can’t you just speak up? Your partner is not “GOD” & you are not dumb, then why go on creating complexities in life?
If sometimes they understand your feelings and act according to it, BE GRATEFUL that they did. Don’t burden them by saying the next time they can’t do it, ‘You did it that time, why didn’t you do it today?’
PLEASE DON’T DO THIS, IT KILLS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
CONSTRUCTIVE BELIEF #1
I will express myself in front of my partner and also consider his/her situation, then come to a conclusion that is best for both of us.
DESTRUCTIVE BELIEF #2
My partner has to perform better or at PAR with *THAT* person.
If you are so in love with THAT person, why don’t you just get into a relationship with THAT person only? :/
Your partner is different from that person and that is why he will not exactly behave in a way that the other person is behaving. This is something you should be very clear about before getting into a relationship.
What does a relationship mean to your partner? How do they go about working on it and what values are important for them in a relation? Talking about such stuff will prepare you on what can come next.
Comparison is never going to strengthen any relationship. Your partner is unique and different. They might have different circumstances in their life, try to understand their views about a relationship and then put forward yours. Simply comparing and then crying over it won’t do any good. When putting forward your views, please do check they are your own and not just ‘copy-paste’ from some cool couple on SOCIAL MEDIA!
CONSTRUCTIVE BELIEF #2
Keeping in mind my partner’s individuality and uniqueness, we will discuss what love means to us and drive our relationship in that direction.
DESTRUCTIVE BELIEF #3
My relationship should look cool & happening on Social Media.
Tremendous likes & beautiful comments on your
photos with your partner will last till the night only, not more than that.
What actually matters is how comfortable and connected you are with your partner.
Are you nurturing or burning out each other?
Are you able to openly talk about your fears, insecurities, ego, and guilt in front of your partner?
Do they support the dream that you see?
Do they encourage you to live your life that you wish to pursue?
Do they give you that zero judgement love you’ve always wanted?
If the answer to all these questions is a YES, then your relationship is the coolest & most happening relationship in this whole damn world, even if you haven’t uploaded even a single pic on any social media platform.
However, if the photo that you just uploaded on social media with your partner got thousands of likes and a handsome amount of comments but the answer to all these questions is a big “NO”, then your relationship is something that you seriously need to work on.
CONSTRUCTIVE BELIEF #3
What actually matters is how ‘WE’ feel about our relationship and not what the world thinks about our relationship.
I hope you go with CONSTRUCTIVE BELIEFS when it comes to your relationships! 🙂
MAY GOD BLESS YOU!